9 friends in 2010

1. Mother Pig

After knowing each other for so long, we finally reached a stage where we can discuss about 少女情怀 and 少男情怀 issues. HAHAHA. But i still think you're a 熟女 and not 少女 so don't pretend to act young. :D Thanks for all the fun, joy and laughter we shared together this year!

2. Yanyan

You know you love the Taiwan trip because of me!! WHEEE, haha! Thanks for all the advice and help that you've offered me this year. Although you're damn sassy at times, i gotta say i secretly enjoy your sassyness. I'll remember our time in TAIWAN forever! Love <3 LEOFOO!!

3. Jess

It was a whacky 2010 with you man! Will remember the nights we spent on the dance floor with Noel and Zoukout man! We're going on separate paths next year but until then we will still have many chances to meet-up next year! More marathons man!! (:

4. Chiku

Life may be tough in NS man.. and 2012 ORD sucks.. but, you can do it! I will remember all the laughters and joy you brought to my life this year! Until then, your birthday is coming and for the first time (i'm such a bad friend man..) i'll remember to get Tommy to celebrate together with you!

5. Feliball

Your MSN display pic! I think our friendship reached a different level this year. It is amazing how we can put aside our differences and strengthened our bond with each other. All the neoprints we've taken with one another this year man! Thanks for bringing much laughters into my life! :D

6. Fatdric

OMG. I just realized that i don't have a decent duo photo taken with you!! Will make it a point to take loads of photos with you tomorrow at the countdown beach party mans! My army life would suck without you and you've brightened up my day with all the hanky pankying, muacks muacks and lubs lubs! HAHAHA. Damn scandalous but :DDDDDD !!

7. Hannie

I just realized that i haven't celebrate your birthday for both you and yanyan yet after looking at this photo. OMG, i'm such a bad friend and i sincerely apologize for it. I bet you heart your Taiwan trip for the same reason as yanyan haha, don't try to deny!! I gotta know you at a much deeper level this year due to much more outings and interactions and i have to admit i really enjoyed myself when you're around. And we've yet another overseas trip coming up man! Can't wait!! :)

8. Doudou

I will remember the night when you stayed on the phone with me for so long and talked me through my darkest time. I will remember how you always bully and steal my food in chinese lit lessons. I will remember how you drank 6 bowls of tom yam soup at one go. I'll miss you when you're in Sweden, friend. See ya in June next year!

9. Qiggy

JB and Batam was fun this year man! While you're going to be MR LEE next year.. please wait for me while i become MR NG after i go for my crazy vacation okay? Can't wait for our next meetup and it is always fun and nice with you around! And please stop acting crazy once in a while because it'll freak me and meow out! HAHA.

And to timo, boonie, tommy, jezzie, junhong, mrs phelps, johnny, noel, binnys, uncle yeo, shaun lubs, rudi, kaijie, eric, lecky, fweefwee and louis.. thanks for also helping me make my 2010 such a memorable one.

I <3 my friends. :)

PS: I don't know why i use so many "man". LOL.

10 people i'll remember

Names of personnels have been omitted in order to protect the identity of the individual.

1. Sexy canteen drink stall aunty
Thanks for the awesome teh-o-bing every morning. I won't forget all the small chit-chats we had for the past 18 months. I'll never forget what you shared to me about wanting to earn as much money as possible within the next 5 years so that you can go on a backpacking trip around the world with your son. (:

2. Indian cook-house uncle
Uncle, thanks for always secretly giving me all the good stuff in camp whenever i need to pack for duty. Your smile always brighten up my day and although i know that working in SFI seriously suck, i hope that you will meet nice people to work with you so that your work will be a more enjoyable experience.

3. Ms 信徒
Thanks for screwing up my posting by forgetting to put a NOT behind CAN such that your e-mail read "Serviceman CAN go for RP Course. He is excused from boots permanently." If it weren't be for you, i wouldn't have 4 screwed up postings and then gone all out and down pes to PES E. What a blessing in disguise. I hope we do not meet again in life, kthxbye.

4. MSG TCW
Although you're now a warrant officer, i'll never forget the "special treatment" i had from you before and after the diver phrase and you'll always be MSG Teo in my heart. Thanks for being like a father to me, providing me with the mental support through the tough training in NDU.

5. 2WO THH
People may say you're cold blooded. People may think that you're sick in the mind and mentally unsound for some reason due to your psychotic training nature, but you've earned my deepest respect. Together with MSG Teo, both of you pushed me beyond my physical and mental limits and made me do things that i'll never imagine myself doing. I never knew that i can run 10 minutes for 2.4km. I never knew that i could do more than 10 pull-ups. I never knew i could run for more than 2 hours. I never knew that i could stay in the water for so long. Thanks for taking extra care of me. Thanks for being so nice to me even after i got posted out. Thanks for making me become a much better person in life.

6. 肚肚s
If it weren't for you, i guess my past 18 months wouldn't even be half as fun. Thanks for being such a nice boss, so understanding and trusting me in the things that i do. I hoped that i've not disappointed you as a subordinate. I wish you the best in life and may our friendship continue to blossom even after NS.

7. 雪花飘
At the end of the day, i am just really grateful for all the things that you've done for me. Thanks for recognizing my effort and just for you to acknowledge that fact, it has already made me really contented with my NS life. I hope that people will get a better impression of you at your new workplace and that all will go well for you.

8. Fatdric
I never knew you can actually find a close friend in NS. Thanks for hearing me whine whenever i'm unhappy or discontented about something. Thanks for being there for me during the ups and downs of my NS life. I hope that all will go well for you after NS and that you will be able to go to the course you want to go to. Hopefully, it will be a friendship that will last for life.. even after NS. (:

9. That China Moorthy
You're probably never ever going to read this. But thanks for helping me out so much with my work! Without you i guess i would have gotten myself into tonnes of big troubles! I will remember the times when we tried our best to cover each other's asses and help one another out! Thanks for all the laughters, the small gossips over the phone and all the help that you've given!

10. Yuriko/Sadako Yamasake or any bullshit name you call yourself
You've been a terror in camp. I know you're born to be like that, but i always believe that we all have a choice to decide upon our course of action which will result in different consequences. You enjoy seeking for attention, you love to disturb others. I know you're only 18, you're mentally unsound and you're just not normal. As i'm writing this, i honestly feel burdened for you and i pray that you won't do anything stupid until you finish NS and that somehow, God will work his miracle and do something to you. Please get normal soon.

Eleventh Hour

eleventh hour

 

–noun

the last possible moment for doing something: to change plans at the eleventh hour. 

But sometimes, it is just too late.

12 Days of... Christmas or Unconditional Love?

Today is Christmas Eve and i'll be going for service later, and i'm feeling totally unexcited. I'm a Christian, I love God.. but I find it hard to love God's people. Or rather, Christians. I find it hard to love people like me, who proclaim ourselves as Christians, but do little to extend our help to others in the society. I find it ridiculous that we call ourselves as Christians but our behavior in the church and out of the church is completely different. I know i'm generalizing now, but that has been what i've been seeing for the past 4 years i've been a Christian.

I cannot deal with the fact that some Christians are completely delusional to the fact that people actually gives a damn about their religion. I know God is real, I know God is good. But some people are just born to be pure atheist. I know our job is to convince them that God is real and for them to crossover to the undying love of God, but through what means? Through means of careful planning on how to spread the word of God to them so that you guard yourself against them when necessary? Or do you simply ignore these people because you know it takes great and immeasurable effort to spread the gospel to them? No, you don't. You simply have to touch them through God's love through you; by showering them with unconditional love. Then they will come to understand, they will understand that God's people are different. They actually know how to love.

At one point during my Christian life, that was what i had been doing. And god damn tell you, that was hard. But it was very fruitful. I was very happy with the way i treated everyone because i knew at the end of the day, i can tell God that i did my very best to love his people. It was so hard to love people who are so hard to love. It was like being forced to be a hypocrite, where everyday you still have to give a very cheerful smile to people that you clearly do not like. Come to think of it, it wasn't really that hard for me after all.

But lately, i've become more and more skeptical with the way i deal with people. Or rather, NS has opened my eyes wide to many different types of people that you will meet and probably deal with in the society in future. There will be people, who will take every small advantage and try to suck every bit of juice out of you. These people do not care what people think about them, as long as they are on the good receiving end. And surprisingly, these people are not just non-Christians. And that was when i had a change in attitude. I forgot about how i had once loved every single one in my life unconditionally. I forgot all about the times where i struggled so much with love but still tried to love. I simply forgot what is love.

I am sad, for i have not been a very good Christian example. I know i still have to build on my character, and i am sorry for the hurtful things i've said to the people for as long as i can remember. Each and everytime i was about to say something hurtful to someone, i ponder, i contemplate, but i still do it in the end because of the way i am. I know i'm born to be witty with words, to be successful with sacrasm and i'm not proud of it. That is why i need God in my life. I may not be attending a church regularly anymore, but this Christmas, i still want to tell God that i'm still his son and that when the time is right, i'll be back to the Kingdom of God.

I know some people will just say, "then don't be Christian lah, why bother to put yourself through this"?? But putting myself through this is not exactly the main point of being a Christian right? I don't know if this is a good argument, but imagine if you know your character is not there yet and you just want to continue to let it be? God is good, the Bible is good.. it's just God's people who are... and that is why i need to and want to overcome the barrier of being judgmental and critical, and that is probably why you need God in your life too. I admit to the character flaws that i have as a Christian, and sometimes the things which i say will be hurtful but never once will i lie about it. If i told you before that you have to grow up, i probably think you're childish. If i told you to stop talking to me, i really think you're being really annoying. Can anyone just tell me how to be a Christian who is able to love God's people unconditionally and able to stand by your personal stands and beliefs as well? I'm still searching for the answers.

Just the other day, a boy who barely looked 14 years old came knocking on my door selling ice-cream. "1 box for $10.80 please.. can you please buy from me?", and then i felt really sad for him to need to be selling ice-cream at such a young age and was just about to buy from him when my mom came from behind. The boy said, "Aunty aunty, please buy my ice-cream, if i don't sell 3 boxes by 15 minutes later, my boss will scold me because i'm knocking off!" I'm going to admit that when i decided to buy the ice-cream from the boy before my mom came to the door, i felt good and knew that i was doing something right by helping him and no one was going to be as "nice" as me to help him. 

Until i saw what my mom did, so i was obviously wrong.

My mom extended her unconditional love to a stranger, by offering to buy two boxes of ice-cream from him so that he can meet his sales quota, and then went on to serve the boy with sandwiches and soft drinks to him because he had not had his dinner yet. I was impressed. I was really touched. I looked at my mom in admiration for one whole minute, then looked at the boy who thankfully gulped down his drink as he was really thristy, as my mom adviced him to not work as a door-to-door ice-cream seller, but to work part-time instead. Then my mom went on to extend the love by even giving him the number of her previous part-time workplace and introduced the boy to go work there instead as a salesperson. By this point, i'm really lost for words. I looked at the boy as she stared at my mom in gratitude. The scene was really beautiful. I simply adore my mom to bits at that point of time.

My mom and I knew that the boy could be lying to us and not speaking the truth, maybe he just wants to sell more ice-cream so that he earn more money. But we really do not care. And that is why i want to be able to love unconditionally. To love unconditionally is to know that maybe you won't be receiving any love back, or that you're simply blindly loving and do not care about any other factors, even if it will still hurt you in the end.

Love in a relationship between two individuals is romanticism. But love for people is what i call, a beautiful thing. This Christmas, i pray for God to start helping me love unconditionally, once again.

13 random/interesting things i learnt in the past 22 months.

1. If the lunch menu says "Christmas Menu" and the dishes are "Flaming Turkey", "Happy Chicken Stew", "Jolly Fries" and "Seasonal Long Beans".. simply don't expect too much. It's really just like lunch on any other day.

2. The Gingerbreadman served as dessert in the "Christmas Menu" does not have any eyes or mouth. It tasted and looked more like a dog biscuit.

3. When you're sleeping at night on a field camp and have a weird tingling sensation on your back throughout the night; nothing scary is happening. You've just probably built your basha on a red ant's nest.

4. The thermometer at the Medical Centre will always measure your temperature at 36.8 degree celsius, regardless whether you have a fever or not.

5. When in doubt, ask... is not necessarily true. Because maybe nobody else knows the solution and answer to it as well. When such circumstances occur, you just gotta crash and burn.

6. During a medical check-up, if the medic who's drawing your blood poked the needle into the wrong vein, the blood will stop flowing at half-syringe. After which, he will remove the half syringe of blood, throw it away into the dustbin right in front of your eyes and then proceed on to poke you again on another vein to fill up another syringe. This process might be repeated for a few times until he got it right.

7. CPL Victoria is a male medic.

8. If you type =GAME("StarWars") into an Open Office Calculation Spreadsheet, you're in for a game of Space Invaders. Otherwise if you know the correct code, you can play Tic-Tac-Toe too.

9. Besides being excused from marching, running, jumping, heavy loads, sunlight, upper limbs, lower limbs and all other misc physical activities.. you can be excused from helmet too. I wonder what did the poor boy do to his head?

10. If you're on AWOL status, please do not be stupid enough to stay at home and wait for the Military Police to knock on your door, answer the door yourself personally and be arrested on the spot. Darn smart.

11. When you're trying to submit a fake MC, please make sure that the fake MC and the photocopied version of it is exactly the same. It also does not help if your fake "original" copy of MC consist of extremely ugly handwriting which says "excused from coming to camp". Yea right, dream on.

12. You can actually "crush your balls" while doing Standard Obstacle Course. After effects include.. ah, you won't want to know.

13. If you sprained your hand after doing pull-ups, your hand might feel numb and start shaking uncontrollably. Seek help from the medic and he will probably tell you this - "You must have masturbated on a regular basis, it happened to me as well."

Twice the 7 = 14

I've got everything planned out nicely and i'm just waiting to execute them, just 14 more working days to go. Learning French, Tagalog, going for a swim/jog/gyming on my free days in the morning + afternoon after ROD.. and intense tuition at night. 6 to 8 lessons a week and i'll have thrice my army pay in my pocket every month, by working at night only. Awesome much.

Can't wait for my long awaited morning WEEKDAY 10km jog to Sembawang Beach (yanyan, you joining?), flying overseas, CNY and finally starting relief teaching in March most probably. So many things to do and yet so little time!

Until then, 14 is no longer a magical number. Because the magical number will be 13 tomorrow. (:

Magical 15

Tomorrow marks 15 more working days. People come, people go, things happen, things end. The 22 months has made me see so much more of myself. I'm thankful for everything and i'm just glad that it's going to be over soon.

People tell me not to live a life full of regrets. I've been making mistakes here and there.. but i'm glad ultimately at the end of the day, i can tell myself at least i've lived the life i've wanted to live. Your choices you make determines the life that you're going to have.

I may have chosen to venture into the teaching career and not be earning the big bucks which doctors, specialists and businessmen are making, but at the end of the day i know i can tell myself that this is what i want to do; to impact and educate young lives so that i lay the foundation for their lives thereafter.

It's going to be hard.. but i really can't wait. It's going to be over soon.

Zoukout!

Omg, Zoukout was awesome! Mass partying with all the crazy people around you! But i was damn shocked. I didn't know ang mohs were that rowdy, rude and impolite. Priscilla, if you were there.. i think you would have been disgusted by all the crazy ang mohs. But maybe not lah, since you're crazy over ang moh guys and the rude ang mohs i've seen were mostly ladies. Damn turn off okay. I hope Emma Watson doesn't behave like that when she's drunk/partying if not i'll be the saddest boy alive. Anyway, the highlight of the event wasn't the partying, but the fireworks! We were damn tired after dancing for like 3 to 4 hours straight and decided to sit by the beach and rest for awhile, and at that precise moment.. suddenly behind us, the fireworks just went off like that! For at least 3 minutes i think! Totalleh awesome can. Pictures should be uploaded soon!

Anyway, food for thought -

Boo to people wallowing in self-pity constantly and remaining in a miserable state! You're only pathetic because you think you're pathetic. But is your life really that sad?! Do you still have a home? Do you have enough food to eat?? Are you dehydrated??? Do you have an education???? Are your parents still around????? Being sad over a particular issue/incident for awhile is okay, but being affected by it and refusing to move on?? You're probably suffering from claustrophobia.

From Wikipedia -

Claustrophobia is the fear of having no escape and being closed in. It is typically classified as an anxiety disorder and often results in panic attack. One study indicates that anywhere from 5–7% of the world population is affected by severe claustrophobia, but only a small percentage of these people receive some kind of treatment for the disorder.

Or maybe not.

But who cares! Life's awesome as it is and the earth is still revolving! :D

Obliviate

It's nearly 5am but i just finished watching the scene where Hermione modified her parents memory in Deathly Hallows on Youtube again and again. I think this is one scene which the producers included appropriately into the movie and it definitely set the movie going.

It makes me wonder, sometimes in life.. wouldn't it be good if you can just use Obliviate on the people around you, so that they can just forget you instantly? No heartbreaks, no tears and no goodbyes. You can then just leave to do whatever that you want and you can be sure that nobody will remember you and even know that you once existed in their lives.

It is just so hard to say goodbye sometimes. People just want to know. People just want to understand. But there are some things that just aren't meant to be said and they will never understand. And with that, even if i die, nobody will know and nobody will feel sad about it. If you let me make a choice, i'll Obliviate everyone before i actually die and then go off to somewhere deserted by the beach.. in a little hut on the rocks and die a peaceful death. How very beautiful.

Until then, it's not time to die, but time to sleep. Good night.

Yes, this post will be in engrish.

I realized that i have very good patience when it comes to certain things. And i'm loving it.

Awesome much.

乌龙茶

闲暇的下午，慢饮着冰凉的乌龙茶；是一种享受。

但不是每个人都能够欣赏乌龙茶的独特。
有人觉得乌龙茶太淡了，
有人觉得乌龙茶太苦了。
但我就是喜欢那淡淡的茶叶芳香，
喝完后的茶味都会久久留在嘴内。

那种感觉，就有如一种思念。
思念的感觉带着苦苦的滋味，
就好像乌龙茶那淡淡的苦味。
苦淡的思念，美既让人感慨。
而从前的甜蜜是今日的苦念。

苦苦淡淡的思念，
却久久一直存在着。
我尝试把自己灌醉，
醉醒后却发现自己有多狼狈 。
原来自己又被思念包围。

一边思念，一边享用着乌龙茶。
苦中作乐，还倒是蛮有趣的。

我怀念的

刚才在打扫房间的时候，无意见翻开了收藏多年的旧纸盒。纸盒里装满的是一封封带满了祝福话语的信件和卡片，发黄的照片和一些带有纪念价值的物品。我随手翻开几封信来读，接着在慢慢翻阅其他的卡片。我顿时才发现，原来现实已不同往日了。

来自XX先生的卡片，现在不知他过得还好吗？
来自YY小姐的信件，不知她现在状况怎样了呢？

突然，好怀念好怀念从前的回忆。

人，始终要长大。成长也不过是每个人必须经过的过程。但每个人的成长，都有不同的进度。

这么多年了，我开始独立了。我学会了待人处事，我学会了慢慢放开对自我的要求。我懂得多了。我明白多了。我自然也了解多了。总得来说，我长大了。但成长，是无止境的。我得继续成长，继续从人生的不同角度和观点看世界。

我要更独立，我要更坚强，我要更勇敢。我要坚持信念继续的走下去所剩下的人生道路。该放开的一切，我都会克服。该放手的一切，我都将会勇敢面对。

回忆，就当成是一种保留的价值吧！回忆的过去，回忆的经验，回忆的感情，回忆的一切的一切。感叹的是往事也只能回味，就庆幸曾经拥有把！

有些东西，该扔的就扔，该收的就收。不然东西放置久了，到了最后还是难逃被丢弃的命运，就实在可悲了。但美好的回忆，我将会永远牢牢地保留在心底。而我收藏的信件，卡片，物品和照片，就扎扎实实地代表了我们所曾经拥有的缘分和美好记忆。只可惜缘分已尽。

可能时隔多年后再想见的我们，将会有不同的领悟和人生经验。

祝你，
幸福。美满。快乐。

手术室

躺在手术室的刹那间，脑海所浮现的画面，通常都会是你最宝贵的。
仿佛在那瞬间，你会突然发现到底自己最宝贵的是什么。

不是金钱，不是名利，也不是一些虚伪无关痛痒的东西。
却是最宝贵的家人，最宝贵的朋友，最宝贵的记忆。
我欣慰着自己的心灵其实还有那一些些的纯洁。
感叹的是一直以来，自己最宝贵的不是如此。

血直流不停，有如内心不断地在哭个不停。
后来才发现，原来内心的痛，还比皮外伤更痛。
这就有如一万只针往着胸口猛插似的，好痛好痛。
而皮外的伤口简直没得比较这样的一种痛苦。

虽然不是和死神擦身而过，但所承受的压力和痛苦，我熬过了。
现在只希望早日康复 - 内与外的康复。

Wake me up when december ends

December's gonna come and go very quickly. Celebrate mother pig's birthday, lecky's birthday, meetup with tommy and chiku again, x'mas ceb at jess's place, new year countdown and sending doudou and fweefwee off in January.. sigh.

And then with 9 more working days in January, my NS life will cease forever.

Then off i fly to overseas in January and February.. then relief teaching and intense tuition will start. And then finally, uni will start in August.

Ahhh, time flies. (: