With 2T8
With 1E5
With 1N1
My 2 awesome EL Reps.
Thanks for all the help with the collection of homework for the past 3 months!
My truly amazing 1N1 boys.
They were the only bunch who can make me lose my seriousness and professionalism and laugh during classes. T_T
Life would be darn boring without Shubaa and Philina! =D
I can't imagine what if Jaslyne didn't offer any help to me all the time. Thank you so much for everything.
My EL fairy godmother!!! <3
@ Lynette's wedding
:)
People often say that you're happy when you're doing the things that you like to do. I can't find more truth in this statement. I remember that whilst I was studying in be it JC or secondary school and whenever I don't feel like going to school i'll just escalate my illness and skip school for the day. Meaning maybe I have a simple cough or what but i'll throw in headache and flu so that I confirm no need to go to school. I don't do it very often (maybe once in 2/3 months) but still, you know it is something you shouldn't do. This is even more evident in NS where I can just get MC (for free!) and not attend camp for like 2/3 days, so whenever like i'm slightly sick i'll make sure I get MC and not go to camp instead. (who would, seriously?)
But it's different for the past 3 months. I find myself being responsible for my actions as a teacher and there were a few times when I fell sick and I didn't even bother to go and see a doctor but insisted on going to school to attend my classes. Of course, if I'm really sick I didn't go to school to spread the germs to my students lah. But you get what I mean. Every teacher I know kept telling me to teach English but every teacher I know also told me that EL is the worst subject in terms of marking. I fully understood what they meant but I also really enjoyed the experience. When it comes to teaching a language subject, you get to go deep with the students and know a little more of their inner thoughts when it comes to class discussions and journal entires. And I like the feeling of being responsible for the young lives that I have a part in moulding their future and helping them to grow up to become a better person in life.
But the biggest achievement of all is that finally for the first time in the 21 years of my life, I'm doing something that I know I'm at least good at, be it when it comes to teaching or interacting with the students. I didn't feel like I was a waste of space anymore. I didn't feel like I was a failure anymore. I didn't feel like I was actually wasting MOE's money and the time and knowledge of the students during my lessons. I knew that I had put in my very best when it comes to teaching and I know I had not shortchange my students. When I saw how all of them managed to improve within just a short period of 1 and a half months, I was happy, glad and really excited for them. At least I knew my efforts didn't go down to the drain. And a little bonus would be all the love and care the students showered back upon you. Cards after cards, letters after letters, messages after messages - they're sources which kept me going on and on when times were hard during the period of teaching. (All the marking, when students disobeyed etc) But I got through it all and at the end of the day, I knew that I had not come out of this teaching experience learning nothing, but gained a whole world of new knowledge, insights and most importantly, wonderful memories and experiences.
What touched me more was the Principal's, VPs and senior teacher's interest in getting me back to do my practicum in the school as well as getting me back as a permanent teacher in YTSS. I can't help but to feel more greatful to have been given a chance to teach in the school for 3 months, but to be recognized for my abilities and efforts? That was just simply mind-blowing and I just can't thank God enough for planning out everything so beautifully for me.
Just about 3 months back on a Thursday night, I was just complaining to Xingyi about how I detested about the fact that nothing is moving on and changing in my life after the NS period; I couldn't get a relief job and everything seemed so bleak and unknown. I told her I would go to bed and the next day would be a better day, as that was what I will do all the time when I'm down. The next thing I knew was my phone ringing at 9am the next morning and jolting me up from my sleep. Unknown number... hmmm? And three hours later I was sitting in the Principal's office for an interview and got my job within 1minute. (I also dyed my hair back to a normal shade during the 3 hours =P)
After I got to know the RTs there, I actually got to know from them that the job that was offered to me was actually supposed to be offered to their friends and there was actually a long list of about 40 to 50 people waiting for RT in the school, but the EL Dept chose me because of one simple reason, the fact that I'm the only candidate going to NIE and knowing what I wanted to do in life - to pursue a teaching career, they decided that the best bet would be to go with me and that was how I beat all the other candidates to the job. Unfair I know, but simply God planned and amazing.
Then I got reminded of how God has always the best plans for me all these years in my life. I remembered the first major setback in my life was when I couldn't even get into a double science class. I felt angry and shortchanged and I cried my lungs out. I just didn't pass the subject, but my overall results percentage was better than half of the school (school level position was 100+) but there I was, in a single science class just because I was judged for one subject which I couldn't do well in and the others who didn't even have a better overall score than me can happily go to classes that were better than mine. I started hating the school even more, I didn't like studying anymore. I felt insecure about my place in the school, my intelligence, my IQ, my abilities and almost everything in life. I would always remember the times i'll always put my Science textbook in my bag and never carry it on my hands because I knew I would be judged by the students in the school as a combined science student. I really felt bad and insecure and for two years, I never detested sciences and maths even more. Despite my horrendours L1R5 for my 3 prelims, (AGG of 39, 27 then 18) I still did well enough to get into AJ Arts Stream. I didn't know how it happened, but I knew God must be behind it.
Why? Because i scored 20 points exactly for my CCA points to get an A2. Why? Because i hated Chemistry and was about to give up on the subject and didn't even bother to study until a prompting in me woke me up at 3am in the morning and I decided to start reading just my textbook and I remembered clearly how I just read the bold text in the textbook on Organic Chemistry (I didn't know anything about it at all) and started memorizing everything and somehow, I just understood everything easily. Or maybe I don't, but I knew what I was reading and I knew I could remember them. On the day of the Chemistry paper itself, for the past years OC would alway be tested about 15-20 marks out of a 65 marks paper. I still remembered how I flipped through the paper and counted.. a full 28 marks tested on Organic Chemistry. Wow. And I could do them all and I believe I got all of them correctly.
Why? Because I had a change in Maths teacher to the most awesome one in the world who would invite the weaker students to her house every week for free tuition for 3 hours (free food/pizzas/drinks). Why? Because I simply did well enough to make it into AJ.. but that was simply what was needed and once in AJ, I was on level ground with the other Arts students as well. But I knew I must buck up and do my best.
Then again, I couldn't grasp hold of the hectic JC curriculum and all the workload started catching up on me. The content of Geog/Econs and Chinese Lit was GG to the max and I just couldn't get Economics and Maths (as usual) at all. I nearly retained in J1. I was given a second chance, did all my retests on my 3 subjects and was one of the only 4 students who passed the Economics retest out of the 84 students retaking the paper. I also passed my Chinese Lit and Geography despite the limited knowledge that I had. I didn't know how it happened, but I knew during that tough period of time, I kept relying on God's strength and kept myself in prayers. It has to be God.
I crashed and burn through J2, did my A levels and knew that God was with me throughout, even though it was the darkest period of my spiritual life. I only studied 2/7 for one section of my Chinese Lit, and the only 2 I studied came out for the examination and I think without that section, I would have flunk that subject. I didn't study at all for my Mathematics and GP because my H2s were so weak, so God gave me results that was fair and deemed for my effort put into the subject. I gave up on the whole topic of Hydrology (1/3 of the Physical Geog syllabus) and guess what? Most of the students didn't get the Hydrology question at all so I was on fair ground again. I only studied 50% (or even lesser) of the content for Economics (ask my friends about that) and I got blessed with a grade I knew I didn't deserve. But God gave it to me.
I scored well enough to get into a place where I knew God wanted me to be at and there were times I was angry with why i couldn't just score a bit more to get into the courses that I wanted. But then I couldn't have asked for anything more. To be paid while studying? To be doing something that I'm really good at and really like? To be with the same group of people with the same aspirations as you? To have a confirmed route as to what I would be doing? (And double confirm with the YTSS experience) I couldn't have asked for anything more. This is the route God knows/knew would be the best for me and frankly speaking, I also barely made it into the course because I had friends who had 1 to 2 ranking points worst than me and they didn't even get the degree course at all.
I am thankful with what I have and I want to thank God for blessing me with the paths he helped paved for me which he knew was best for me and I completely knew I didn't deserve my grades all these years but he made a miracle and I just happened to scrape through each and everytime. But i've also told myself that i've enough of just scraping through for my examinations. I want to start doing well for a change once i start school and somehow I knew I would be fine, because I have God with me. Thank you God, thank you for all the people who've helped me. Thank you everyone.
Completely blessed, blissful and never happier than before. I'll continue to give my best.
Agape,
Joab
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