Problem

It's less than 5 days to exams and I have not started my revision yet. Right now, i'm still trying to get my last term report done.

I feel a little restless, unmotivated and completely feel like I just want to leave everything till the very end and not do anything at all. But the fact is, I can't.

I received back 4 assignments today and they were all A's.

Heck, I even got an A+.

What the hell, let's just say except for one assignment which I went completely out of point and got a C+ (only around 5% though), the rest of the assignments I got back for this entire semester for my 7 modules were all A's.

I really feel that i'm weird. In secondary school and JC, when I got bad results for all those years I was happy. I always told myself that at least I will have the chance to improve next time. Suddenly when i'm in university and I am receiving those A's, it feels a little weird. I feel like I didn't deserve those grades and don't know how I got them. But at the same time, I did put in loads of effort in all my assignments and I daresay I deserved my grades.

I feel like a businessman, who had a good business going (primary school), went bankrupt (jc and sec) and then had another successful business (now). But I am highly insecure and afraid. I also keep telling myself that this is momentarily and will not last.

That is why I don't know why i'm not happy. It is definitely not because I expected an even better grade, because I am very very thankful for those grades.

I am still trying to find the reason why I'm not happy.

I am thinking that the reason why I'm not happy is because I'm simply tired. And I probably foresee myself not doing well for my examinations. I have a total of 4 papers and they're all packed into 5 days. I even got a day where I have a geog and english paper. It's like back to A levels days again.

It's very tiring to constantly be repeating the same set of routine everyday.

Everyday, wake up, bathe, go to school, eat lunch, do project, eat dinner, go back to school chiong more projects, do until past midnight, walk back to hall, bathe, sleep. Repeat this process by like 1 month, where I had to submit like a gazillion projects and essays. It's really tiring.

I looked back at what I just typed and realized that I've been focusing a lot on myself. The start of every paragraph almost all started with the word 'I'. Maybe I should stop focusing on myself. But how do I not focus on myself when I need the focus to complete my very last assignment.

I am very very very tired. I was all about to go to sleep when I decided I just need to clear my thoughts.

Let's just say now is not the time to continue on with my project anymore. I shall go to sleep, wake up with a fresh mind tomorrow and try to finish it by mid noon. Then, i'll start studying.

As the saying goes, MUG HARD - Pain is temporary, GPA is forever.

Just a few more days... just...